Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
