So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
