how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
