last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
