fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
