Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize