now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Dick very happy bro
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
