New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
