What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We have started to decorate penises.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
