Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
