He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
