Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
