I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
