We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
