just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize