i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
