Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
