We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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