CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
