his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
