We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
