and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
