So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
