I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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