so that wasnt chicken after all
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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