would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
