You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
