If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
