david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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