I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
