I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
