Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
