Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
