I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Life is so much better after having sex.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The adults are the big ones right?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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