Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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