i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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