i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
