It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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