**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
