is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
