I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
