I am puke
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize