1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
