Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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