tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
