They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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