I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Randomize
