There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
