Need sex. Gaining weight.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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