I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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