i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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