Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
