Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
