I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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