Who did Billy Mays play for?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
