i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
