All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize