hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
