u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
someone owes me an orgasm
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
