Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
