He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
