Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize