she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
