that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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