he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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