i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
