ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
