I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
