Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
