wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
