He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i think i have two assholes
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
