Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
