so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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