I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
