You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
