the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
