is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Randomize
