Slut skills are useful in every country.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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