belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
