who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
