The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
bring money and cleavage
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
