remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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