Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
