I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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