I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
