I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
