I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
