I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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