I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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