she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
