A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You are the jesus of drinking
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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