I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
