so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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