the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize