Pants 0. Shit 1.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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