are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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