Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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