I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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