i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
