And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
