My Higher Power is John Stamos
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
