We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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