Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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