He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
