but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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