I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
