Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
