I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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