but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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