On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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